interview 8

Falco Lombardi

Written by Zelda's Fox 38

Once upon a time there was a frog. Who turned into a prince when a chick kissed him. And then he turned back into a frog-like anthropomophic dude. What does this story have to do with my interview?

Absolutely nothing. Slippy Toad just pisses me off, that's all.

He also ticks off Falco Lombardi, who I was "assigned" to interview. (I actually paid Somari off for this one) Mister Lombardi is the kind of butthead I like to hang out with; surly, cocky, a pain in the gluteous maxiumus, and works as a mercinary. Getting paid to fight has got to be the best job in the world!

Somari: (angry) *blink*

Ah, not that I don't like my job or something! Heh heh . . .No, I like my job.

And withough further posponment, here's Falco Lombardi!

ZF38: (over-joyed) Finally, I get to interview him! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, the surly king of the skies has landed! Welcome, Falco Lombardi!!

Falco: (questions) Wow, are you being nice for once?

ZF38: (giggles) Hey, I've been waiting to interview you for the longest time! You are like my mentor or something!

Falco: (confused) Mentor? Like a role model?

ZF38: (laughs) Tee-hee!

Falco: (slightly agitated) Yeah, whatever.

ZF38: (settling down) So, what's a hot-shot like you doing in the Super Smash Bros. gang, huh?

Falco: (smiles) Well, a chance to pummel Bowser AND Ganondorf, plus getting to hang out with *beautiful women*, is exactly what I like doing. Plus maybe I can get a promotion . . .

ZF38: (awkward) So . . .you wanna . . .beat up Fox?

Falco: (smirks) Heck, no! Well . . .depends. Especially if I'm having a good day or not . . .

ZF38: (rolls-eyes) I have bad days 24/7. You would too, if you lived with Andross.

Falco: (surprized) !!! Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

So, everything seemed to be going good right? Well, yeah, until I saw IT on tv. . .Not to be rude to Falco or anything, but he was getting boring.

Falco: (shocked) What the heck?

ZF38: (embarassed) Oh, man. I should have thought that would happen . . .

Falco: (head down) Is he ALWAYS like this?

So, with the building where I work being held captive by my dad, I decided to go call Somari to see if he was okay, or better yet, alive. When I called there was a sound like a monkey screeching, and so I had to yell at the phone.

ZF38: (mad) Dude, I want to talk to my boss!! What the heck is going on?????

Monkey: (squeaking) UU aah!!! Kee kee!!

ZF38: (confused) Donkey Kong? Is that you?

DK: (still talking nonsense) KEEEEE!!! AGGH!

Falco: (concerned) What did he do?

ZF38: (shrugs) I guess he kidnapped the Super Smash Bros. and did something weird to Donkey Kong.

Falco: (grabs the phone) Here, let me find out what happened . . .

So I sat for about 15 minutes listening to Falco yap on the phone. He cursed like a sailor most of the time, so I figured he knew what was going on. Finally I had to holler at him to shut up and hang up the phone.

ZF38: (ticked) So, now, what did you learn?

Falco: (rolls eyes) Absolutely nothing.

ZF38: (angry) GAAHHH!!!! What were you doing those 15 minutes??

Falco: (sheepish) Check my credit account.

ZF38: (drags Falco out to ship) Let's go . . . .before I kill you!

Sometimes I could just murder people. Unfortunitly, this was not the 'time to kill'. Save that anger for later, right?

We went out to my ship and I drove us to the SSBU building. Not much concerned me, although there was a minor fire in the office section where GBeh?'s reviews are stored.

GBeh?: (really mad) MY REVIEWS!!! OH, ALL THE SMACK-DOWNS I DID!!!

Somari: (focused) We're kidnapped in my own office building, and all you can think about is that your review are burning? I have them on back up, idiot.

GBeh?: (relaxed) Phew. Okay, now to scream about being captured. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Gold Deity: (peeved) Moron.

Falco: (pausing) Hey, wait. How can we hear them if they're in the building?

ZF38: (thinks) Good question. Ask me again when I care.

Falco gave me an unmentionable geusture, then dashed into the structure. I followed reluctantly, but stopped in the break room first to get my daily dose of coffee. Then I went to go save my boss.

Somari: (ticked) I can save myself, thank you very much!

ZF38: (mellow) Then do it.

Somari: (ditto) I will.

ZF38: (sarcastic) Good, then.

Yoshi: (pleeding) BIIIIINNGGG!!

GBeh?: (scowling) Do we have to save him?

ZF38: (shakes head) Nah.

GBeh?: (shrugs) Okay.

Mario: (shocked) Oh my god, you killed Yoshi!!

Somari: (confused) What, no accent?

Mario: (surprized) Oh, I meant . . .Oha my God!! Youa killed Yoshi!!

GBeh?: (laughs) Who cares?

Andross: (peeved) You bastards. So you came to save them, huh?

ZF38: (comprimizes) Nah, just the usual. Ya know, Link, Samus, Fox, DK, Luigi, my co-workers, the norm.

Andross: (concerned) The "norm"? When have you ever talked like that?

ZF38: (angry) Yo, I'm a "teenager". "Teenagers" do "that". "Get it?"

Andross: (mad) Are you mocking me?

ZF38: (ditto) Yes.

Andross: (really mad) Are you mocking me?

Somari: (questions) Why is he asking that again?

Mario: (slow, ain't he?) Wait, you don't wanna savea me??

Andross: (turns to him) Can I kill him? Please?

Somari: (swift) Me first!

GBeh?: (laughs) Whack. That was cool.

Andross: (bored) This taking over the building thing sucks. I'm going to go blow up Kitania and called it a day.

Fox: (whines) Before you leave, can you at least untie us?

Andross: (slowly) Noo. Toodles! *runs off*

Samus: (ticked) You get back here, pus . . .

Somari: (jumps on Samus' words) Your doctor said not to swear as much. Raises your blood pressure, remember?

Samus: (reluctant) All right. Can you untie me?

Somari: (shrugs) Okay.

So that ended pretty quickly. What made me mad was that I had to go home to a whiny Andross. He blew up a couple of Playstation systems, then went to his room and cried a little bit. He's a sissy, once you get to know him.

Which you don't want to. Ever.

Anyway, I invited Somari & the guys out to pizza. I figured after they had to experience the horror known as my father they should get something in return. It was a good night, thankfully, so all was forgiven. Until . . .

Ganon: (he has a job here??) Do you want re . . .What the??

ZF38: (embarassed) Why are you here?

Somari: (rolls eyes) So much for ever eating here again.

GBeh?: (questions) Wait . . .you weren't serving us before!

Gold Deity: (really mad) I CAME HERE FOR PEACEFUL PIZZA, DANG-IT!!!!!!!!! IF I DON'T GET A GOOD MEAL, YOU'RE NOT GETTING A TIP!!!!

Ganon: (scared) NO!!!!!!!!!!! NOT NO TIPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dramatic Orchestra: (didn't I get rid of these guys?) BUM BUM BUM!!!!!!!!!!!

GBeh?: (sarcastic) Oh, boy. Really new material here, Zelda's Fox 38.

ZF38: (singing) *I'm a material girl, in a material world!* What now?

Fox: (wait . . .I didn't invite him . . .) Heh. You sing like a guy.

ZF38: (grouchy) Shut up. You sound like a tenor.

Fox: (mad) HEY! I'm in outer space al the time!! I'm not getting enough good oxygen!!

Somari: (bored) *blink*

ZF38: (ticked) Shut up, Somari!!!!! And you, little boy, I'm an alto!! An alto, damn-it!!

Samus: (amuzed) Can you feel the love?

Somari: (agreeing) Oh, yeah. Hey, do you want to go to my place? I've got a Space Ghost DVD.

Samus: (nods her head) Sure, better than this.

ZF38: (grabs an egg beater) Come here, puppy. I don't think anyone's fixed you yet . . .

Fox: (scared) Back away!! I have . . .a . . .blaster, yeah! A blaster!!

So I smacked Fox unconscious with an egg beater. Actually, you could say that I tickled him too much, but that would sound too sissy-like.

Gold Deity: (drinks some Pepsi) Yep. That was interesting. I think I will pay the bill.

Dramatic Orchestra: (silent) (a cricket chirps)

ZF38: (giving the evil eye) Play something!!

Dramatic Orchestra: (plays the theme to 2001: A Space Oddessy)

GBeh?: (not interested) Yeah, this sucks. I'm going home.

ZF38: (hauls Fox over shoulder) Suppose I should too. I'll pay the tip, Gold Deity. *smashes Ganon's face in*

Ganon: (howling) OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, so I guess the day was alright. I told Fox that Andross had done something to his brains to make him think that we fought, so he didn't try to kill me. In fact, he got home safely, considering that I shot down 24 bogeys for him that were on his tail.

Falco says that I didn't interview him throughly enough. I paid him off with a fruit basket, so he's happy. As long as I get a paycheck, that's all that matters about this job.

Besides beating people up . . .

Hey, there's even kiwi in this!-Falco

I love beans!!-Brak

Wow, you even get HBO on this??-Samus

Dang, I have a black eye!-Ganon

Where's those Beggin' Strips I hid?-Fox

Eww . . .Dog treats . . .I want some!!-Zelda's Fox 38