interview 5

Samus Aran

Written by Zelda's Fox 38

Now that I have escaped the psychotic pig of doom, Ganondorf, and have taken a shower, I have decided to interview Samus Aran. Who better to after a filthy drooling animal? I think I deserve to treat myself and Somari, my boss who's been saving my hiney constantly after that Sony Fortress incident . . .

After all, what better pastime is there after you escape my father Andross and his little girl Lutania the Metroidain Freakazoid . . .

ZF38: (very calm) Hello, peeps. Today I'm here to interview Samus, who will crush you, burn you, and kick your ashes into doggie poo if you get in her way.

Samus: (agreeing) Dang strait.

Somari: (confused) Zelda, why am I here?

ZF38: (rolls eyes) Because I decided you should be here when I interview Samus because you've kind of gotten into the 3 musketeer position. So this is my little gift.

Somari: (very pleased) Thank you!

ZF38: (shrugs) Whatever. So, first question Samus . . .

Suddenly the roof flies off of the room that I'm interview in. I look up to see Bowser and I get ticked.

ZF38: (hollering) LET ME ASK A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He runs off like a scared bulldog. I really felt like banging my head against the wall. I have to have conferences with bad guys just so they know where to interrupt in my interviews!

Samus: (nodding) Continue.

ZF38: (ponders) Do Metroid hurt when they suck energy off you?

Samus: (exaggerating) Like the land down under itself!! Ah man, first you can't feel your arms and then when you do, its like, AGH!!!!! And then it really stings and the only way to get them off of you is to go through a door or use bombs.

ZF38: (cursing) Dang, that explains why Lutania always zaps me when she touches me . . .(turns to see what Somari's up to) What are you doing?

Somari: (mumbling) Err, nothing . . .(whispering) Go get your tux on, Link . . .

Samus and ZF38: (wondering) ?

ZF38: (thinking of next question) Alright, so . . .Does that armor get heavy?

Samus: (joking) To me or the guy I pummel?

ZF38: (laughs) Ha ha! That's funny!

Bowser: (yells) Can I come in yet?!!??!?!?

ZF38: (right back) No!

Samus: (looking around) Can I get some water? It's hot in this suit.

ZF38: (giggles) Well, use the proper grammar and you may.

Samus: (rolls eyes) May I get a glass of water?

ZF38: (nods) Better.

So Samus went and got some water. I kind of got thirsty too, so I went to get a Pepsi cola. First I checked for any plot holes. With those and a Pepsi-driven Toad around, you have to take precautions.

ZF38: (continuing) So, who do you hate more? Kraid or Ridley?

Samus: (ponders for a little bit, then responds) Kraid. Ridley may be bad some days, but at least she doesn't consider me to be Kentucky Fried Chicken.

ZF38: (confused) ?

Samus: (explaining) Long story. To summon it up, Kraid mixed up his chicken breast with my helmet and ate it.

ZF38: (understands) Oh, okay.

Samus: (telling a little more) With me still attached to it.

ZF38: (startled) Eww. . . . .That's gross, Samus!

Suddenly a wild squeaking noise came from nowhere. I turned to see Mario working with some sort of microphone. Samus and I had to wonder what they were doing again . . . .But the weird thing was that Mario had a tux on too . . .

Samus: (questioning) What?

ZF38: (shrugs) Beats the heck out of me.

Samus: (nods) Men can be so confusing.

ZF38: (agrees) Tell me about it. It's like, "Dad, you said you wanted your underwear on tumble-dry?", and he spazzes in front of everybody. So what? They all know that he wears underwear . . .

Samus: (questions) You wash the villians' laundry?

ZF38: (snapps) Hey, who's interviewing whom here?

Suddenly a large frying pan attempts to knock me unconscious. I caught it with my Time Staff, then revealing who the person-always-trying-to-knock-me-out-with-a-frying-pan was. It was . . .

ZF38: (confused) Princess Toadstool?????

Peach: (laughing) Yes, I wasa always jealous that you got to hang out with Somari! I want him to be my boyfriend.

Samus: (pondering) Dude, aren't you married to Mario?

ZF28: (also wondering) And isn't Somari in love with Samus?

Somari & Samus: (yelling) ZELDA!!!!!!!!

ZF38: (shruggs) Well, you know . . .Didn't you pick up he was going to ask you out?

Samus: (bedazzled) With a microphone?

ZF38: (nods) Yeah, well, maybe. My dad proposed to my mom by . . .

Somari: (stopping ZF38): NOT that story. Little idiots are around here.

Peach: (shrieking) IDIOTS!!!!! THAT'SA IT!!!!! MARIO, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

Mario: (happy) Yippee!!

Somari: (shaking his head) God, this is stupid.

ZF38: (nodding) Of course it is. Now, are you two going out on a date or what?

Samus: (agreeing) Sure, whatever.

ZF38: (laughing) I should be a marrige consulor.

So then Mario and Peach got married, and Samus and Somari went on a date. And another. And another. Let's just stop with that.

Ah, love. Useless it may be to me, but to others, it's a form of revenge. Of heart racing adventure. Of traitorious ways.

. . . Love sucks!

What sort of an interview ends in a marriage?-Link

We can all just hope Peach drowns on the honey moon.-Fox

And Mario.-Somari

Oh, this is the night, it's a beautiful night, and they call it Belle Noughta . . .- Zelda

Zelda!! Why is my underwear pink?!?!? I thought I told you not to mix it with the reds!! You are grounded!!!!-Andross

Ia get a quote? Yippee!!-Peach