interview 2

Mario Mario

Written by Zelda's Fox 38

Once again, my life has been made pure heck. I totally messed up my room while interviewing Leon Powalski and made a *little* distraction. So, after the mess I created at the Venomian Base and interrupting Andross' date, I am out in the middle of Kokiri Forest interviewing none other than. . .

Mario! What, did you think I'd interview Link? I'm still mad at him!!

ZF38: (Sitting against a tree house) Sooooooo, Mario. How's things been lately?

Mario: (looking at her with a strange, I-don't-know-you look) Well, youa kidnapped me, took me to thisa stupid forest, and then managed to breaka my house's plumbing lines. You tella me how things have been!!!!

ZF38: (crying) Geez, everyone hates me! What's wrong with me? Why do people hate me? (starts banging head against the tree) Why? Why? Why?

Mario: (confused) Uh . . .thera there now. No need toa cry. Um, justa concentrate on the interview.

ZF38: (stops weeping) All right. So . . .Why do you hate Bowser?

Mario: (gets into his story-teller mode) Well, a longa, long time ago . . .I was born and my brother . . . .And then we did that . . . .And Yoshi, oh boya . . .(I fall asleep right about here) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Three hours later I wake up and the plumber is still rattling on. I went inside the tree house and got a Pepsi cola, then came back and Mario was still talking. Geez, and men think we're big talkers!!

Mario: . . . . .And that's basically why I hate Bowser. Not toa hard to understand, righta?

ZF38: (nods) Uh, huh. Yeah, that's really interesting. Now, do you like puppies?

Mario: (smiles) Ah puppies, lovelya creatures. So warm and fuzzy!

ZF38: (cocking her head, wondering what's going on) Good, `cause that thing popped out of that weird plot hole!!!!!!!

A huge Diamond Dog from Earthbound pops up out of no where and starts barking at us. Mario starts running around in circles, screaming incomparable phrases that no body can understand. I whip out my cell phone and call Ness.

ZF38: (talking into phone) We have a huge problem here. . .No, it's not Master Belch . . .No, it's not Giygas either . . .It's the Diamond dog. . . . .No, it's not having a litter . . .What?? You're nuts!!

Mario: (still running around) What's goinga on!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And why isn't Nessa doing anyathing?!?!?!?!?!?!?

ZF38: (harshly) Because I'm not talking to Ness! I'm talking to a Mr. Saturn!!!

Mario: (stops running around) Whata? Let mea talk. (I hand him the phone) Hello?

Mr. Saturn: (in a screwed up language) Hello! I want something to eat, mommy! Where's the toilet??

Mario: (really dazed) Huh? Toilet? Where??

Bowser: (Bowser cuts through the connection) I'll get you my pretty . . .and your little dog too!!!

Mario: (so confused I wonder why he's standing up) BOWSER!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

ZF38: (watching the plot hole) Great, now something else is coming out. Just what I need.

Out of the plot emerges Toad. I was grateful that he was here, because I just needed someone to back me up in this emergency.

ZF38: (happy) Hey, Toad. Can you get Bowser off of the phone?

Toad: (eyes mixed-up) PEPSI!! I WANT PEPSI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (advances to take my Pepsi cola.)

ZF38: (shouting in that funny, you-know-it's-not-going-to-stop-him voice) NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The next few minutes I spend my time with Toad trying to bash the idea of having my Pepsi out of his head. He bit me a couple of times, so I let him have the Pepsi. After all, I ripped out two of his teeth.

ZF38: (turning to Mario) All right, Mario. Let's get back to the interview. Now, why did you create the Super Smash Bros. Team?

Mario: (really full of himself now, since he shut off the phone) Ah, wea created the team to protect othera people. Especially since the Star Foxa team seems to have problems nota keeping Slippy in one stop at a time.

ZF38: (dreamily) Ah, yes. Fox's father was such a dreamboat . . .

Mario: (snapping me out of it) HELLO!!! Listen toa yourself!! You'rea swooning over a fox!!!!

ZF38: (coming back) Yeah, yeah. So . . .Um . . .Do you like Queen?

Mario: (shrugs) Yeah, Ia guess.

ZF38: (singing) Is this the real life, is this just fantasy, caught in a landslide? No escape from reality . . . .

Mario: (thinking) Oh no . . .My interviewer's nuts!!

Andross: (from out of the plot hole) Oh, Mother Brain!! Where did you go, love???

ZF38: (finally coming around) Huh? DAD?? Oh, @#$&#%, just when I think I can get somewhere without seeing your ugly face . . .

Andross: (smirking) Zelda, you're going to have a little baby sister! I forgot to tell you! I know now why they call her the Mother Brain!!!

ZF38: (standing there with my mouth open like a doofus) . . . .YOU @_#(@#$()*!!!! You did THAT to the Mother Brain?!?!? YUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andross: (looks sick) Oh, maybe lunch wasn't that good after all . . .

Andross then barfed all over me! Ah, man, and it was gross too! Little bits of un-chewed food was all over me, not to mention maybe the remains of a Metroid and Fox McCloud.

Fox: (sick too) Ugh . . .Gotta Hurl!

He then proceeds to barf on the ground. I whap my hand against my head in disgust.

ZF38: (really pissed off) DAD!!! FOR THE LAST TIME, GET THE HECK OUT OF MY INTERVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andross goes back down the plot hole, taking the Diamond Dog with him. I began to feel real fed up with all of this. I droop Fox over my shoulder and go back to interviewing Mario.

ZF38: So, has Wart been a problem lately?

Mario: (shakes his head) No, nota really. . .Um, don't you think you should geta Fox to the hospital?

ZF38:(looks at Fox) Yeah, I suppose that be a good idea.

So Mario and I run down to the hospital and drop Fox off in a room somewhere. I figured they'd figure out what's wrong with him soon enough.

ZF38: (looks at the ground) Yeah, sorry your interview sucks. I'm just going through so much crud lately.

Mario: (agrees) I underastand. Hey, let's go get a malt!

ZF38: Malt sounds good. Let's go!

So we go and find the nearest malt shop we can find to the hospital. Mario gets a huge chocolate malt and I get just a plain vanilla malt. After drinking them for a few minutes, we get back to talking.

ZF38: (questions) So, has Peach been a good girlfriend, Mario?

Mario: (stars in his eyes) Wonderful . . .She's soa pretty, not toa mention elegant . . . . . . . .Lovely . . . .(I almost fall asleep again when I found what looks like to be a strawberry in my malt)

ZF38: (Ticked off) Alright, which one of you guys put a strawberry in my malt?? I HATE STRAWBERRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kirby: (with a scared look on his face) I did . . .DON'T KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Instead of murdering Kirby, I flicked the strawberry up his nostrils. He got really mad at me and we started to kick each other.

ZF38: (yelling) Mario, you'd be wise to go home now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME HERE YOU LITTLE!@(#* $@#*(#*( @$&#$(*( &*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I start to really get into a fight with Kirby.)

So, I had to cut the interview short due to a strawberry. Eventually I got my point across, but that was 12 minutes, 712 kitchen injuries, and 15 crayons up Kirby's nose later. They finally knocked me out with a frying pan.

I woke up a few hours later on the Great Fox. It turned out that Fox was just fine and that he wanted to thank me for telling Andross off. I hung out for a couple more hours, then I went to planet Zebes to get a hotel room. This interview sucked as bad as the last one, and the only way to douse my fires of anger was to watch Star Wars over and over and over . . .

"Wella, the malt was good."- Mario

"I didn't get enough time in this interview!!"-Bowser

"What are you complaining about? I didn't even get to be in it!"-Link

"Congratulations, Andross. It's a mutant."-Mother Brain's Doctor

"My tail is soooooo cute!"-Fox

"ZELDA!! You're grounded!!"-Andross

"Dang!!"-Me

"Where's the juice box? I want cheese!"- Mr. Saturn