interview 1

Leon Powalski

Written by Zelda's Fox 38

This is my first interview of Leon Powalski. Unfortunately, I had to do this in my room at the Venomain base. I thought maybe this could be a normal, relaxing interview, but nobody apparently wanted that . . . Not even my own creator, for crying out loud!

ZF38: Hello everybody!!! This is everyone's favorite cyborg (or should be!!)!! Today I am interviewing whom we call the `Great Leon' or that *(&!$(*@& lizard that shot down my Arwing! (I still haven't forgiven Regis Philbin for shooting down mine!)

Leon: Hello, you insult to your species. (cracks his knuckles)

ZF38: . . . yeah . . . (grabs a stun gun)

Leon: Put that away, you animal! (Points at ZF38 meanly)

ZF38: (Looks sheepish) So, first things first. Why do you hate Falco Lombardi?

Leon: (slaps hand on forehead) Why? Why must everyone ask me about that?

ZF38: Because it's interesting. Yap it up, Scaly! (starts to beckon with her index finger) Or do you wanna kiss me?

Leon: (grumbling and growling in disgust) Oh, all right. Katt Monroe dumped me for that freaking turkey!!!! Grr . . . (rips off the arm of the couch he's sitting on)

ZF38: Alright, question two. Do you like anchovies?

Leon: (looks shocked) What kind of a question is that?!

ZF38: (grabs a phone) I'm ordering a pizza. Now do you or don't you?

Leon: (smirks) I do.

ZF38: Too bad. I'm not getting anchovy pizza! (starts dialing for Godfather's Pizza and make an order.)

Leon: (looks sad) Aw!

ZF38: Question three. Do you like plot holes?

Leon: (begins to worry) You have a plot-hole device that keeps them away, don't you? Every other person that interviewed me seemed to have those . . .

ZF38: NOPE!! I love having unexpected visitors. Oh, here's one now. (Link from that Zelda series pops up.)

Link: enguarde, you slimy piece of . . . Huh? Where am I? (looks dizzy and sits down)

ZF38:(gets really happy at this point) My luck! Got a babe!! (moves closer to Link) Hey Link, do you like Pepperoni Pizza?

Link: Do I? Where is it????!!! (starts to drool)

ZF38: Calm down. It's still at the Godfather's place. Anyway, Leon . . . Leon?

(Leon and Star Wolf have the entire Star Fox team pinned against the wall with knifes. ZF38 isn`t really surprised and cocks an eyebrow.)

Leon: I'm beginning to like plot holes too! (Pulls out another knife and pins it into Fox's jacket. Link starts to gap a lot)

Star Fox Team: HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm understating this)

ZF38: Alright boys, that's enough. If you don't sit down, I'll sick Barney the Dinosaur on you. (The Star Wolf Team runs to the couch instantly. Pigma and Andrew look like they're about to pee their pants.)

Link: Hey, don't I know you? (Points to Fox McCloud)

Fox: (seems embarrassed) Yeah, we were in that Super Smash Brothers game . . .

Link: Thanks for faking a fight! Man, Zelda got sooooo horny . . .( Everyone stares at Link) What? She's my girlfriend!

ZF38:(Doesn't take any interest in Link now) Yes, back to Leon. Leon, does Fara Phoenix work for Andross?

Leon: Well, kind of . . .(gets a little cuo-cuo) ALRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS TRYING TO SEDUCE FOX INTO HER LOVE WEB AND KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!! (Starts to chew on a pillow)

Fox: Fara, sweetie? That isn't true, is it? (Begins to do that puppy dog pout thing)

Fara: YES!!!!!!!!!!!! (gasps for breath) I WANT TO KILL YOU!!!! (Grabs a chainsaw and runs off like the crazy chick that she is)

Fox: (Starts to sob) Why are all my girlfriends like this?

Peppy: It's alright, Fox. We'll go get an ice-cream cone later.

Fox: (still crying) Oh, okay . . .

Leon: (furious) Hey, this is my interview! Get on with it, now!

ZF38: (right back at Leon) Don't have a cow, man! Alright, question number four, or is it five? I forgot to count.

Leon: Just ask me something!!! (Rips off the other couch limb)

ZF38: All right! Um, (starts to scratch for questions) Have you ever tried to wrestle Falco into an accordion, like in Looney Tunes?

Leon: (now is very interested) Care to watch?

ZF38: No . . .

Leon: Is that your final answer?

ZF38: NOBODY IN HEAR SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT THAT !@#*(&^!$@#*&^!@(&*$&*$^@!)$&^&@)!$^&@!$*)^$)!&@^$) MILLIONAIRE SHOW IN MY ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Grabs Andrew and throws him out a window into a near-by plot hole. He screams as he is sucked into a dimension warp.)

Wolf: (rolls his good eye) Yeah, you're lucky your Da-Da let you keep your room . . .

ZF38: (starts to boast) You can't help that Andross likes me better than you, can you?

Slippy: We're in Andross' base??!! (pees his pants) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(The doorbell rings. ZF38 answers it and sees that the pizza is here.)

Fry (that idiot from the Futurama show): Pizza for a K. Rappy Date?

Leon: (whispering) You couldn't resist, could you?

ZF38: (whispers back) Not a dang bit.

Falco: Zelda's Fox 38? When are we going to get off the walls? (begins to struggle against the knifes pinning his jacket onto the wall. He rips his shirt and falls down with a strip vest) I'm so embarrassed . . .

ZF38: I guess I'll let you guys off the hook. But after the pizza, you'd be wise to go home as fast as possible.

Fox: And Link?

ZF38: (gets sarcastic) He'll have to click his heels three times and say, "There's no place like home." How should I know???

Link: Mm, pizza. . .(eats a whole slice in about thirty seconds while everyone stares at him)

Pigma: That ain't nothing! (begins to swallow the whole pizza and Fox)

Fox: HELP!!! (is instantly muffled once Pigma eats him. Tries to kick free but stops after he finds it impossible)

ZF38: Leon! (points an accusing finger at him) You told me that Pigma wouldn't be such an @$$ this time . . .

Leon: Hey, I don't control the old fart . . .( begins to stare at his shoes.) I'm not his keeper . . .

ZF38: Link, by chance did you bring your iron boots? (starts up that damsel in distress face of agony)

Link: Oh, damn that look . . . (starts grabbing out his boots) Hey, where's my Iron Boots?

Ganondorf: I have them!!! MUH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!! (stomps into ZF38's room wearing the Iron boots. He possess for a second while at least five Gerudo women take his picture and kiss him up, you know, celebrity treatment.)

ZF38: (cursing) Dang! Dad here with his girlfriend?

Slippy: Who's his girlfriend? (has that stupid beagle look on his face)

Mother Brain: I am!!!!!! MUH HA HA HA HA!!!!! (the Mother Brain then rushes to Andross' room because that bounty hunter chick Samus Aran found her.)

Samus: Come back here, you pathetic excuse for an enemy!!!! (shots are being fired in the hall)

ZF38: ( screaming on top of lungs) DAD!!!!! YOU TOLD ME NO MORE SURPRISE DATES!!!!

Andross: (smirks) So what, I'm your father! I get to do what I want when I want! In fact . . . (begins to WWF wrestle Ganondorf, who is coincidently his best villain friend)

ZF38: (frowning and mumbling) Bastardfatherdoesn'tstayoutofmyroom . . .goingtoteachhimalessonortwo . . . .

Peppy: (also annoyed) What about Fox?? He ain't dying like his dad did!

Fox: Murf fof dadf eoeef?? (I don't know what that meant)

ZF38: (puzzled) James got eaten by Pigma? I must salute the old man, then.

Peppy: (PO'ed) NO!!!!! Betrayal by Pigma? Get it?

ZF38: (eyebrow cocking) I must be loosing it . . .

Andross: (to Mother Brain) Hey, sweetheart, do you wanna see my creation?

ZF38: (really mad) I am not your property to be store at!!!!!!!!!!! (throws the couch that Leon mutilated)

Leon: (really happy) All right!!!! FIGHT!!!!!!! FIGHT!!!!!!! FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

Samus Aran: (confused) What? Great, can't there be a normal interview around here?

ZF38: (shrugs and throws a dagger at Wolf) Heck if I know . . .

The next few minutes are rather blurry and bloody. I remember poking out Wolf's eye, frenching that babe Link, grabbing my lightsaber, scaring everyone out of my room, and then freezing Pigma in the fridge. Then someone hit me with a frying pan and I went out.

I woke up, then continued to fight, only to remember everyone was gone. Even the babe. Well, except for Pigma. I decided to cut Fox out, and found out that he was still alive, but he was suffocating. Ah, well, I'm lucky I didn't cut him with my chainsaw.

Everything's as normal as it gets now. I hope that I can have a more practical interview. Until then, I suppose I will have a lot of explaining to do to Andross about ruining his date.

"Geez, that was a mess."- Falco

"I wet myself."- Slippy

"Ow, my eye! My bad eye!"-Wolf

"Mmm, Vanilla . . ."- Peppy

"Dang, just when I think I can get paid!"-Samus

"Best kiss ever!"-Link

"I miss my daddy . . ."-Fox

"So much for that interview. Didn't even get to beat Falco up!-Leon